Saturday, March 22, 2014

When Marriage Isn't What You Expected

A few nights ago, I dreamed that I had coffee with the members of my favorite band from high school.  And it was totally normal behavior in my dream, like it really was common for me to just casually hang out with them.  This leads me to believe that in my dream, I had a slightly more mature grasp of what it means to be "totally in love" with someone than I did when I met this band as a seventeen year old girl and planted a completely inappropriate kiss on a famous man I did not remotely know.

When I was in high school, I was "totally in love" with various members of various bands.  Most of those members were rock stars covered in tattoos who probably more than dabbled in hardcore drugs.  Not to mention they were totally out of my realm of reality.

But in high school, when I fantasized about being married to one of those musicians (It didn't matter who; they were basically interchangeable), I wasn't exactly living in reality.  Anyway, my rockstar husband planned and took me on beautiful vacations.  He brought home flowers regularly for no other reason than that he was just completely smitten with me.  He wrote me songs and letters and left really romantic voicemail for me.  He drove a really big truck or a really loud motorcycle.  He wore tight pants and eyeliner and had a haircut and color that my parents probably did not approve of.  In fact, my parents probably didn't approve of him in general.  Now, before you think I should have been committed, I did have some inkling of a clue about real life, and I expected that if I didn't marry a rockstar, I would at least marry a guy with some rock star qualities.

If you know my actual husband, you know that he is not that guy.

I didn't expect to marry a man who drove a 4-door sedan because it's economical.

I didn't expect to marry a man who has beautiful curly hair and insists on wearing it trimmed neatly because it looks professional.

I didn't expect to marry a man who agreed to my dream wedding inside of a church where he is not a member.

I didn't expect to marry a man who only buys flowers on special occasions but shows me he loves me in thousands of other ways.

I didn't expect to marry a man who would light the candles on my brother's seventh birthday cake because he loves my brother like he were his own brother.

I didn't expect to marry a man who would work seventy hours a week at a job that isn't glamorous just to give me the life he thinks I deserve.

I didn't expect to marry a man who would agree to adopting a cat when he didn't want a pet to begin with just because I get lonely when he's gone.

I didn't expect to marry a man who would change that same cat's litter without complaining about it.

I didn't expect to marry a man who has dinner and Frozen ready to eat and watch when I get home after a really hard week of work and tutoring, even though that man was equally exhausted from his week and didn't really want to see Frozen.

I didn't expect to marry a man who would give me endless back massages instead of just buying me a trip to the spa.

I didn't expect to marry a man who would attempt to bake something for the first time in his life just because I love red velvet cupcakes.

I didn't expect to marry a man who would constantly pick up my shoes that I tend to leave everywhere.

I didn't expect to marry a man who cannot pull off skinny jeans but wears a dress shirt and bow tie better than anyone I know.

I didn't expect to marry a man who would enjoy attending Mass at a church where he cannot fully participate.

I didn't expect to marry a man who only wears eyeliner when acting in plays.

I didn't expect to marry a man who had interest in theatre!

I didn't expect to marry a man who would enjoy talking politics but would refrain from antagonizing my Republican family.

I didn't expect to marry a man who would refuse to write me songs but would sing me really corny pop songs loudly while we're in the car.

I didn't expect to marry a man who would write me a love letter that would bring me to tears moments before I walked down the aisle to marry him.

I didn't expect to marry a man like Matt.  He isn't a rock star.  He doesn't have a lot of rock star characteristics, though he can belt some N*Sync like you wouldn't believe.  My husband is not what I expect.  He is far more than I could have ever fantasized.

There's some of those guys I thought I might marry.

And there's the guy I actually did marry.  Isn't he gorgeous?  

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