Bunless Burgers

Lifestyle Change.

I cannot help but roll my eyes at that phrase, because it's so misused and overused.  No one goes on diets anymore; they make a lifestyle change.  Except not really; they just switch to Diet Coke and buy a gym membership that they use for two months.  

But about a year ago I was faced with the hard truth that I had to make a legitimate lifestyle change.  I had been tracking my fertility and cycles through the Billings Method of Natural Family Planning since January 2014, and I had determined some disturbing news: I wasn't ovulating.  So I made an appointment with a NFP-only practitioner in Austin.  In May of 2014, I had a series of blood work done which proved what another doctor had tentatively suspected: poly-cystic ovarian syndrome and insulin resistance.  So Dr. K. and I hatched a plan, but by the time I went for a check up seven months later, in December of 2014, I had kinda sucked at holding up my end of the bargain.  

So in December, after seeing no real progress in my weight or fertility, I buckled down, started swallowing all my pills on time, twice a day, and started looking into a real lifestyle change.  It has been slow.  Really slow.  I've got a pretty stubborn husband who I have to consider in meal planning and long days that don't encourage gym time.  But I've made progress.  

I cut out dairy.  (Dairy is troublesome for PCOS because cows are full of sex hormones when they're being milked; thus the milk has a lot of sex hormones in it.  Milk products then screw with my already imbalanced hormones.)  It's been really freaking hard.  I love cheese and a bowl of cereal and I freaking adore ice cream.  But ya know, I'm making it work.  Trader Joe's carries a coconut milk faux ice cream that's not horrible.  It's free of dairy and soy, and because it's definitely not a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked, it's a lot easier for me to eat a few spoonfuls and be satisfied.  I'm just not buying cheese; I still eat it in restaurants (because I love me some queso), as am not quite ready to go cold turkey).  I've stopped drinking cow's milk (drinking your calories sucks anyway), and I buy almond milk to use in my smoothies I make a few times a week.  

I discovered Ezekiel bread, which is, to put it bluntly, the shit.  Good taste, and lots of energy from it.  Instead of feeling weighed down, even after eating wheat bread, I feel pretty energized.  A lot of times, I just forgo the bread.  Tonight we had lean venison burgers.  I just ate mine without the bun.  I've been able to avoid cooking rice-based dishes so far without Matt catching on.  It has only been a few weeks, though, so I know he'll figure it out soon enough.  He can't get behind brown rice, so perhaps I'll just choose to forgo the rice.  

Veggies are beginning to fill the majority of my plate.  Whereas they used to be a side, I now try to use them as  the main dish and fill in the rest with meats and other lean choices.  Matt's totally okay with that because he likes veggies, and that usually means more meat for him.  

I've also learned to trick myself.  I tend to eat off of a small salad-sized plate, instead of a large dinner plate.  My food fills it up without over-filling me.  

I know I've made some progress.  My clothes fit differently.  But I've vowed to not weigh myself until I go back to Dr. K. for a check-up in May.  I've got just over two months to make some more progress, and even if my fertility isn't making great strides (none that I can see, at least), I  know something is changing.  

I'll try to share some recipes I've liked and tried, but I don't want this journey of mine to be my primary focus on this blog.  I promise it's not the most interesting thing about me.

The Burden of Marriage: Carrying the Crucifix

Oftentimes, marriage as a vocation or call from God is ignored or forgotten or just unknown.  Many don't realize that their call to marriage is a vocation and that with that vocation comes an often heavy cross to carry.  There's a beautiful tradition called the Marriage Crucifix in a small town in Bosnia in which those preparing for marriage, understanding that their vocation is a cross to bear, come to the altar with a crucifix upon which they make their vows.  The priest says to the couple, "You have found your Cross!  It is a Cross to love, to carry with you, a Cross that is not to be thrown off, but rather cherished."

I know not a single soul who will tell you that marriage is easy.  Every married person I know will agree that it is difficult, a constant challenge of one's ego and determination.  In only slightly more than a year of marriage I can greatly attest that marriage is a Cross to carry, and that if we do not love not only our partner but our marriage, it is not one we will carry for long.  

I love my husband, but more than that, I love our marriage.  I love the commitment we've made to ourselves, each other, and God.  I love that our marriage means that we place each other before our own selves, that we sacrifice daily for our marriage.  

I had my wisdom teeth out last week.  They were fully descended, so I had a simple extraction instead of a surgical removal.  But I am absolutely terrified of the dentist.  I get horribly anxious and generally end up in a panic attack.  My husband cared for me throughout the procedure and my recovery, of course.  But it was a simple thing he said to me late one evening when we were turning in for bed that evidenced his embrace and love of our Cross.  "I've actually enjoyed being your nurse and taking care of you."  

How quick we usually are to count the favors we've done for one another, to insist our spouse does one thing because we did this and that.  "I cooked so you need to do the dishes."  "I took out the garbage, so can you please take Junior to baseball practice?"  "We spent Thanksgiving with your family, so we should spend Christmas with mine."  We keep score, track chores, and insist on taking after we give a little.  Marriage is not about both parties giving fifty percent; both parties must give one hundred percent of themselves.  If we give because we are expecting something in return we my be carrying our Cross but we are not LOVING our Cross.

Saint Peter tells us, "Love covers a multitude of sins."  The acts of love and charity are extraordinary balms to sooth wounds.  Acts of love do wonders to mend broken hearts and sooth aches of all kinds.  Even when we can do nothing to relieve a situation, loving someone who is hurting is a beautiful healing touch.

My husband loved me by caring for me, he served me when I was in pain.  He fetched my medicine, put socks on my cold feet when I was pretty loopy from pain medications, cooked homemade mashed potatoes, fetched mac and cheese and jello, and didn't get grossed out by my bloody gauze.  I know that it was not easy for my husband to wait on me hand and foot while I recovered.  But he did it, and he did it lovingly and with a joyful heart.  Because we are called to LOVE the Cross we carry, not just to bear it.  What a beautiful act of love and charity he gave to me.  What a beautiful way for him to be Christ to me, a beautiful example of his embrace of our Cross of marriage. 

Living Intentionally: How to Do It, How to Love It

I decided recently that I was tired of always being tired.  I was tired of dragging myself from commitment to commitment, doing things half-assed and hoping for the best.  I wanted to enjoy what I was doing; heck, I wanted to just be fully awake while I was doing them!  I stumbled upon the concept of living intentionally several months ago and have slowly incorporated parts of it into my life.  Most of it started with my desire to become more of a minimalist in terms of my possessions, and it's blossomed since into a desire to be fully present in my life. 

What does living intentionally mean?  Intentional living is simply consciously living according to your morals, religion, or personal values.  Living the life we claim to live.  It is being aware of our fundamental beliefs and making a conscious effort for our behaviors to reflect those beliefs.  

For me, that meant living according to Christ, even when it's hard or counter cultural.  It meant prioritizing my relationship with Christ, family and friends.  And it meant living a life of simplicity, the way Christ did, actively, purposeful, and peacefully.  It has not been an easy conversion; it's been slow and tedious.  I've had to work at lots of things, particularly my impatience, laziness, and tendency to make excuses.  The following are ten rules I've written for myself to encourage myself when I'm feeling like I've failed.

Rules to Simplify and Live Intentionally:

1.  Reevaluate your priorities.  For me, that required writing down all of my commitments, desires, and leisure activities.  I edited what I could and prioritized the rest, taking into consideration how much time and energy I had and desired to put into each activity.  When I removed excess things that I didn’t truly enjoy or have time for, I felt a lot less obligated, less stressed, and less tired.

2.  Realize you can’t do it all.  Going hand-in-hand with number one, yes, our dreams are limitless, but our time/money/energy is not.  We cannot, on this very day (maybe not even this week, month, or year) complete everything we wish we could.  And that’s okay!  When we finally admit that we don’t have to do it all now, we suddenly are able to breathe easier and enjoy more the things we can do now.

3.  Stop comparing.  Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  How often have we scrolled through our Facebook or Instagram feeds wishing for the life of someone else?  We forget that we are only seeing the parts that those friends want us to see, that they too have boring days, work days, bad hair days, etc.  When we covet the possessions, opportunities, or lives of others, we forget all that we have..

4.  Count your blessings.  When we stop comparing, we can more clearly see all the wonderful gifts we have.  Every day may not be great, but there is something great in every day.  Taking the time to be thankful for your morning coffee, sunshine on your lunchbreak, a sweet note from a coworker, or a stranger in a car letting your merge helps you to realign your priorities.  We are all more blessed than we give the Lord credit for.

5.   Live at full volume.  Live passionately.  Don’t spend your weeks waiting for the weekend, months waiting for vacation, or years waiting for retirement.  Do your living now, right in the middle of the week.  Be all-in when it comes to life; don’t live it as a bystander waiting for something to happen.  Make it happen and be proud of it.

6.  Do your laundry.  Whenever you have a full load of clothes, do it.  Don’t let it pile up until the weekend.  Take five minutes now to start it, five minutes in an hour to put in the dryer, and five minutes in another hour to fold it.  You’ll have an empty laundry basket, an item to check off of your to-do list, and an accomplishment that day.  Carry this mentality over to other aspects of your life.

7.  Speak kindly.  The golden rule is as true now as it was in elementary school.  Speaking negatively not only hurts others, it also hurts the speaker.  When we profess negativity, we internalize that same negative energy.  And your awesome day can turn sour with the smallest gossip to a coworker.

8.  Be gentle on yourself.  There will be days when everything goes to Hell, when nothing on your to-do list gets checked off, when you impulsively buy something you immediately regret, and when you just feel like you let yourself down.  Stand up, dust off your clothes, and move on.  You are not perfect, and you do not have to be.  Simply resolve to do better next time.
9. Surround yourself with positive friends.  It is more difficult to live a simple, intentional life when we surround ourselves with people who promote the opposite in us.  Cultivate friendships with people who encourage you to be the best version of yourself.

10.   Pray.  Pray for patience if you find yourself impatient (but be prepared for the Lord to give you opportunities to be patient).  Pray for a change of heart if you’re harboring hateful feelings.  Pray for self-control if you can’t seem to pass a sale wrack without buying something.  Pray for a strong desire for a simple, intentional life and the opportunities to reach for it.