Monday, February 23, 2015

The Burden of Marriage: Carrying the Crucifix



Oftentimes, marriage as a vocation or call from God is ignored or forgotten or just unknown.  Many don't realize that their call to marriage is a vocation and that with that vocation comes an often heavy cross to carry.  There's a beautiful tradition called the Marriage Crucifix in a small town in Bosnia in which those preparing for marriage, understanding that their vocation is a cross to bear, come to the altar with a crucifix upon which they make their vows.  The priest says to the couple, "You have found your Cross!  It is a Cross to love, to carry with you, a Cross that is not to be thrown off, but rather cherished."

I know not a single soul who will tell you that marriage is easy.  Every married person I know will agree that it is difficult, a constant challenge of one's ego and determination.  In only slightly more than a year of marriage I can greatly attest that marriage is a Cross to carry, and that if we do not love not only our partner but our marriage, it is not one we will carry for long.  

I love my husband, but more than that, I love our marriage.  I love the commitment we've made to ourselves, each other, and God.  I love that our marriage means that we place each other before our own selves, that we sacrifice daily for our marriage.  

I had my wisdom teeth out last week.  They were fully descended, so I had a simple extraction instead of a surgical removal.  But I am absolutely terrified of the dentist.  I get horribly anxious and generally end up in a panic attack.  My husband cared for me throughout the procedure and my recovery, of course.  But it was a simple thing he said to me late one evening when we were turning in for bed that evidenced his embrace and love of our Cross.  "I've actually enjoyed being your nurse and taking care of you."  

How quick we usually are to count the favors we've done for one another, to insist our spouse does one thing because we did this and that.  "I cooked so you need to do the dishes."  "I took out the garbage, so can you please take Junior to baseball practice?"  "We spent Thanksgiving with your family, so we should spend Christmas with mine."  We keep score, track chores, and insist on taking after we give a little.  Marriage is not about both parties giving fifty percent; both parties must give one hundred percent of themselves.  If we give because we are expecting something in return we my be carrying our Cross but we are not LOVING our Cross.

Saint Peter tells us, "Love covers a multitude of sins."  The acts of love and charity are extraordinary balms to sooth wounds.  Acts of love do wonders to mend broken hearts and sooth aches of all kinds.  Even when we can do nothing to relieve a situation, loving someone who is hurting is a beautiful healing touch.

My husband loved me by caring for me, he served me when I was in pain.  He fetched my medicine, put socks on my cold feet when I was pretty loopy from pain medications, cooked homemade mashed potatoes, fetched mac and cheese and jello, and didn't get grossed out by my bloody gauze.  I know that it was not easy for my husband to wait on me hand and foot while I recovered.  But he did it, and he did it lovingly and with a joyful heart.  Because we are called to LOVE the Cross we carry, not just to bear it.  What a beautiful act of love and charity he gave to me.  What a beautiful way for him to be Christ to me, a beautiful example of his embrace of our Cross of marriage. 

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